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0 Comments | May 01, 2019

A Most Unexpected Passing

240_F_180244762_2g4MnJDSjpLHxe9VTfXkoC1X9kENww7pThe object of life is to make sure you die a weird death.

                                                  Thomas Pynchon


No lingering bedsore festering demise

for me—not a chance.

Something quick, probably violent,

that will make the mortician

really work for his money.

Something so bizarre, so outrageous

that it will get me on the evening news.

People will talk about it with their friends

for days, shake their heads ruefully.


“Can you believe it?” they’ll say.

“One minute he was there. The next minute

Who even knew such a thing was possible?”


They’ll need to come up with a whole new

warning label just to protect others

against whatever stupid thing I did.

It will be the sort of label people laugh at.


“Oh right,” they’ll say when they see it

for the first time. Like anybody would be dumb

enough to let that happen to them.”


There’ll be new memes about me

on social media.

Maybe even a Darwin Award.


Honestly, it’s so ripe with possibility,

I’m almost looking forward to it.


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